Corporate ad rant
Sep. 15th, 2005 08:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
urbpanThere are (at least) two kinds of corporate ads that I'd like to see come to an immediate halt. The first, is the set of tv commercials from the plastics industry, reminding us that vital objects such as the equipment that protects the precious adorable prematurely born infants in intensive care maternity wards are made from plastic.
No shit.
I thought that all that stuff was hand-blown glass created by master craftsmen and their chosen apprentices. The plastics industry can fuck off. You won already! Everything is made of plastic! From the most insignificant vending machine geegaws churned out by baffled Chinese factory slave to the bumpers and bodywork of the automobiles that we are required to drive, as well as every artificial heart, rifle stock, hockey mask and nonrecyclable food package. (Not to mention the pencil I wrote this with, the journal I wrote it in, the headphones I wore as I wrote it, and the back I keep it all in.) You WON. Shut up. Your ad won't make me like plastic any more, or change the connotation of the word: "artificial, disposable, cheap, flimsy, non-recyclable." Be happy with your gargantuan profits and stop trying to control my mind.
The others are the ads that imply that somehow the petroleum industry is in the business of improving the environment. I'm happy Mobil "makes Masterpiece Theatre possible," but you're never going to convince me that their primary goal is other than to make tons of money regardless of the consequences to future generations.
The oil companies care about the Earth the way that tobacco companies care about lungs. The oil companies are worse, because the poison they're pushing doesn't just kill individual human beings, but one that, when used as intended, destroys the air quality of entire cities, CHANGES THE WEATHER, and will be killing people, animals, and entire ecosystems for decades to come.
And unlike tobacco, everyone is hooked on oil. Well, the Chinese are sort of holdouts, heating their houses with nice clean coal and getting to work on --snicker-- bicycles; but they want cars, and they'll all have them soon.
British truck drivers are refusing to work, because it costs 7 bucks a gallon to fuel their vehicles. Americans, who generally don't strike or protest --too socialist-- merely piss and moan because it costs 3 dollars a gallon (if they can get it) and occasionally drive off without paying for it.
But BP (British Petroleum) says in their ads that they are commited to creating a solar power industry! Great! Where were you 50 years ago when it would have done some good for us by now? In case you geniuses haven't been following the news, we've past "fucked" into the "futuristic dystopia" stage of history. Well, you better start working on solar energy, you bastards, because you're going to run out of dead dinosaurs someday, and then how will we get to work? --Snicker-- Bicycles?
Come to think of it, what is plastic made from, anyway?
No shit.
I thought that all that stuff was hand-blown glass created by master craftsmen and their chosen apprentices. The plastics industry can fuck off. You won already! Everything is made of plastic! From the most insignificant vending machine geegaws churned out by baffled Chinese factory slave to the bumpers and bodywork of the automobiles that we are required to drive, as well as every artificial heart, rifle stock, hockey mask and nonrecyclable food package. (Not to mention the pencil I wrote this with, the journal I wrote it in, the headphones I wore as I wrote it, and the back I keep it all in.) You WON. Shut up. Your ad won't make me like plastic any more, or change the connotation of the word: "artificial, disposable, cheap, flimsy, non-recyclable." Be happy with your gargantuan profits and stop trying to control my mind.
The others are the ads that imply that somehow the petroleum industry is in the business of improving the environment. I'm happy Mobil "makes Masterpiece Theatre possible," but you're never going to convince me that their primary goal is other than to make tons of money regardless of the consequences to future generations.
The oil companies care about the Earth the way that tobacco companies care about lungs. The oil companies are worse, because the poison they're pushing doesn't just kill individual human beings, but one that, when used as intended, destroys the air quality of entire cities, CHANGES THE WEATHER, and will be killing people, animals, and entire ecosystems for decades to come.
And unlike tobacco, everyone is hooked on oil. Well, the Chinese are sort of holdouts, heating their houses with nice clean coal and getting to work on --snicker-- bicycles; but they want cars, and they'll all have them soon.
British truck drivers are refusing to work, because it costs 7 bucks a gallon to fuel their vehicles. Americans, who generally don't strike or protest --too socialist-- merely piss and moan because it costs 3 dollars a gallon (if they can get it) and occasionally drive off without paying for it.
But BP (British Petroleum) says in their ads that they are commited to creating a solar power industry! Great! Where were you 50 years ago when it would have done some good for us by now? In case you geniuses haven't been following the news, we've past "fucked" into the "futuristic dystopia" stage of history. Well, you better start working on solar energy, you bastards, because you're going to run out of dead dinosaurs someday, and then how will we get to work? --Snicker-- Bicycles?
Come to think of it, what is plastic made from, anyway?
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no subject
Date: 2005-09-15 01:39 pm (UTC)I love your rants!!!
no subject
Date: 2005-09-15 02:10 pm (UTC)Well, that's what they used to make bike wheels out of - wood, I mean. Rubber trees would be even better, though. Can rubber trees susrive in New England?
no subject
Date: 2005-09-15 02:14 pm (UTC)Check out this article.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-15 03:56 pm (UTC)But what about rubber trees for the rubber tires?
Interesting article. We, as a "technologically advanced" species do seem to be doing better at figuring out how to use more sustainable materials for our daily products.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-15 04:00 pm (UTC)The only difference between rubber trees and hemp is that rubber trees grow quite slowly and hemp grows, um, like a weed.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-15 02:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-15 04:54 pm (UTC)there are entire regions of the virginias that are uninhabitable now, and entire LAKES (not ponds) that are comprised of coal mud. because the lakes are on private property, they don't have to be reported. there is a man in virginia that has spent the last decade hiking and trying to map them all out.
further, they now demolish hills instead of simply tunneling them. so hills and valleys that were there 50 years ago are gone.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-15 04:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-16 12:25 am (UTC)Also, the plastics ads are for convincing stock buyers to invest in plastic. But it's still something too damn obvious to advertise. Also, good job pulling it all together in the end. Hooray for well constructed and humorous rants!