My 10 Favorite Metal Bands Quiz

[urbpan]

I almost made this a friends-only post because it's so totally irrelevant to the "Urban Pantheist," but I wanted my most metal friends Tim E. and Pat H. to have a chance to see it. As true metal fans they will no doubt be horrified by my very mainstream, even campy, choices. There's no accounting for taste.

Some of my choices are vulnerable to the charge of not really being metal. My criteria were the subjective qualities of wailing guitars, long hair, and symmetrical and pointy logos. If you can come up with a better way of telling if a band is truly metal, please post it on your weblog. (That's your weblog.) If you need a topic for discussion, consider this: Van Halen with David Lee Roth is a metal band, but Roth by himself is not; Inversely, Sammy Hagar by himself is a metal performer, but with Van Halen, is not. (Songs for reference: "Runnin' with the Devil," "California girls,""Heavy Metal," "Dreams.")

Thanks to aimees_zoo for putting a certain band's songs in my head, causing me to start writing this. Thanks also to belen1974 for causing me to finish it. Now maybe I can write something of pertinence.





My 10 Favorite Metal Bands Quiz
Match the descriptions of the bands below with the correct key metal lyrics from each band.

A. Metal's early experiment with pop music derived its considerable energy from the seething hatred between the virtuosic musicians and their buffoonish lead singer, without whom, time has proven, the band sucked.

B. Metal's first, and possibly only, multi-media superstars proved that, with enough swagger and fireworks you could wear clown make-up and still score chicks.

C. The hubris to include "METAL" in the band's name had better be backed up with insane chops and undeniable passion This band (check, and check, by the way) alienated all but the most devoted metalheads with their symphonic masterpieces. Midway through a successful career, they put out an album that at once dismantled their considerable cult following but made them a household name.

D. The symptom of morose lyrics and the primary risk factor of the Pacific Northwest caused this band to be misdiagnosed as "grunge."

E. Punks and metalheads could set their fashion statements aside to agree on this band, warts and all. If you've ever seen "Decline of Western Civilization part 2: the Metal Years," you must agree that the front man of this band came off like a reasonable intelligent man compared to his younger idiot lunatic peers.

F. Why shouldn't one of the best metal bands of all time be an Australian blues band? While any metal act can survive a drummer's death, it takes a special group to let the lead singer die and bounce back with bigger hits.

G. Metal goes public about its heroin problem, but still hides its receding hairline beneath bandanas and top hats. Also wins the "Ethyl Merman sound-alike" award for lead vocals.

H. Named for a Boris Karloff movie, a generation of parents mistook this band's politics for satanism. Today the singer's family is a kind of reality show American royal family (of tragic jesters).

I. In my opinion, if metal is taken too seriously, it loses all of its power. That's why some of the most important metal songs ever were written by "Lenny" from "Laverne and Shirley," Harlan Pepper from "Best in Show" and Reverend Lovejoy from "the Simpsons."

J. This band and music video proved to be a good match for each other, as the photogenic but accident-prone band cemented the bikinis-and-fireballs motif for metal videos and beyond. They quite gracefully adapted to the situation that left them with twice the drumsticks that they needed.

K. Sounding like AC/DC and dressing like pre-revolutionary French nobles may not have made this Boston band a household name, but they sure are fun to go see.

Match them to:

KEY METAL LYRICS

1. Words you say never seem
To live up to the ones inside your head
The lives we make never seem
To ever get us anywhere but dead

2. Generals gathered in their masses
Just like witches at black masses
Evil minds that plot destruction
Sorcerers of death’s construction
In the fields the bodies burning
As the war machine keeps turning

3. We're gettin' funny in the back of my car
I'm sorry honey if I took you just a little too far
I told the fellas out behind the bar
So let me tell you honey just how fine you are

4. They say there's people starving
Droppin' down dead in the street
The lazy slobs, they ain't got jobs
They say they ain't got enough to eat
Well, let them eat rock.

5. I am the lord of the wastelands
A modern day man of steel
I gather darkness to please me
And I command you to kneel

6. You know I'm born to lose, and gambling's for fools
But that's the way I like it baby, I don't wanna live forever

7. You're hot, you take all we got
Not a dry seat in the house
Next day, we'll be on our way
Tonight I'm gonna rock you Tonight!

8.So lock up your daughter
Lock up your wife
Lock up your back door
And run for your life

9. Crushing all deceivers, mashing non-believers
never ending potency
Hungry violence seeker, feeding off the weaker
Breeding on insanity

10. Ya get nothin' for nothin'
If that's what ya do
Turn around bitch I got a use for you
Besides you ain't got nothin' better to do
And I'm bored

11. Rise up! gather round
Rock this place to the ground
Burn it up let's go for broke
Watch the night go up in smoke

Comments

[belen1974.livejournal.com]

whoa some of these are tough. i like how you didn't make it easy. i had thought you would have listed the band names and the lyrics. now i actually have to think about some of them. did you copy the format from the other quiz you saw or is this your own wacky format?

[urbpan.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you like it!
It's my wacky format.
Don't look at the comments, some wiseacre has gone and solved the puzzle!

[morrigandaughtr.livejournal.com]

J-11
H-2
A-3

Otherwise, you sank my battleship. (Which is frustrating, 'cause I know all the bands you're talking about.)

Ethyl Merman? ROTFLMAO.

[urbpan.livejournal.com]

More Key Lyrics, Just for you!


1. Hey I know what to do
I’m gonna fuck fuck fuck fuck you
Fuck you

4. I caught him playing with his hard-on
In the formal garden
He said "Whoops, beg your pardon!"
These are things that he enjoys
The Little Lord Fauntleroy

5. You really like my limosine
You like the way the wheels roll
You like my seven inch leather heels
And goin' to all of the shows but
Do you love me?

6. Come on baby, eat the rich,
Put the bite on the son of a bitch,
Don't mess around, don't give me no switch,
C'mon baby eat the rich

7. No light fantastic ever crosses my mind
That meditation stuff can make you go blind
Just crank that music to the point of pain
Why waste good music on a brain?

8. Let me put my love into you babe
Let me put my love on the line
Let me put my love into you babe
Let me cut your cake with my knife

9. So be it
Threaten no more
To secure peace is to prepare for war
So be it
settle the score
Touch me again for the words that you'll hear evermore...

10. Now I get up around whenever
I used to get up on time
But that old man he's a real mutherfucker
Gonna kick him on down the line

[morrigandaughtr.livejournal.com]

Rich!

We been dancin' w/ Mr. Brownstone . . .

[gemfyre.livejournal.com]

1. Hey I know what to do
I’m gonna fuck fuck fuck fuck you
Fuck you

Hahaha, one of Soundgarden's weirdest songs. Big Dumb Sex. Off the Louder Than Love album.

4. I caught him playing with his hard-on
In the formal garden
He said "Whoops, beg your pardon!"
These are things that he enjoys
The Little Lord Fauntleroy

5. You really like my limosine
You like the way the wheels roll
You like my seven inch leather heels
And goin' to all of the shows but
Do you love me?

6. Come on baby, eat the rich,
Put the bite on the son of a bitch,
Don't mess around, don't give me no switch,
C'mon baby eat the rich

Aerosmith!

7. No light fantastic ever crosses my mind
That meditation stuff can make you go blind
Just crank that music to the point of pain
Why waste good music on a brain?

8. Let me put my love into you babe
Let me put my love on the line
Let me put my love into you babe
Let me cut your cake with my knife

9. So be it
Threaten no more
To secure peace is to prepare for war
So be it
settle the score
Touch me again for the words that you'll hear evermore...

Don't Tread On Me - Metallica

10. Now I get up around whenever
I used to get up on time
But that old man he's a real mutherfucker
Gonna kick him on down the line

Sounds like Gunners.

Showing my age, here.

[anais2.livejournal.com]

1-D
2-H
3-A
4-K
5-B
6-E
7-I
8-F
9-C
10-G
11-J

Re: Showing my age, here.

[urbpan.livejournal.com]

Very impressive!
Have you heard the Upper Crust, or did you get it by process of elimination?

Re: Showing my age, here.

[anais2.livejournal.com]

Definitely elimination! I started with the easy ones (who could miss Def Leppard or Spinal Tap) and then went from there.
Actually, I was only a fan of GnR and AC/DC. Thrash was more my thing in those days...

metal and more

[brush-rat.livejournal.com]

This is off the subject a bit, but you at least seemed in the neighborhood, so I thought you'd get a kick out of a today's column by a writer I know.

http://www.reviewjournal.com/lvrj_home/2005/Mar-29-Tue-2005/living/26073340.html

worth it just for Alcoholocaust alone.

Re: metal and more

[urbpan.livejournal.com]

One of my College professors is in the band Adult Children of Heterosexuals.

[aemiis-zoo.livejournal.com]

I will have to read this when I have more time!

You spelled my name the wrong way, but that's ok, it's a weird spelling...
(I took "Ae" from Family names like Murid-AE (sp?), and "ii" from Order names, like Struth-II-formes...something stupid I did while learning taxonomy in college...my actual name is Amy (plain and simple, fyi).)

[aemiis-zoo.livejournal.com]

My that was fun! I got Def Leppard, GNR, AC/DC, Black Sabbath, Soundgarden, and Metallica easily. Was Aerosmith on there somwhere too??? Can you post an "Idiots guide to my 10 favorite metal bands quiz" or "My 10 favorite metal bands quiz for dummies" per chance? =P

[urbpan.livejournal.com]

The others, in the order that I remember them are Spinal Tap, The Upper Crust, Motorhead, Van Halen, and Kiss. Thanks for (inadvertantly) putting the germ of the idea into my head, it was fun!

[aemiis-zoo.livejournal.com]

Thanks, and you're welcome! =)

Nicely done!

[(Anonymous)]

Dude, I went into this thing as cocky as Axl, thinking I'd nail 'em all at first glance. You have humbled me (well, at least as much as it is possible to humble me, which isn't very much;). The inclusion of the Upper Crust upped the difficulty factor, as did my woefully inadequate knowledge of the lyrics of Def Lep and AC/DC. And, other than Metal Church, I can't think of another band that had "metal" in their name. And I don't know any of their lyrics, either.

Glad you're still checking my blog-- I'll try to update more than once every blue moon! Happy spring, my friend!
Tim

[beastofbourbon.livejournal.com]

I got em all, but I got K7 out of elimination... never heard of The Upper Crust, but now I have.

Incidentally, my favorite metal bands, in rough order, are:

King's X
Fates Warning
Queensrÿche
Megadeth
Iron Maiden
Soundgarden
Black Sabbath
Def Leppard
Ozzy Osbourne (solo)
Dokken
Living Colour
Metallica
Galactic Cowboys
Van Halen
KISS
Scorpions
Candlemass
Yngwie Malmsteen

Greatest metal song of all time? I love many but the first one that always comes to mind is Sabbath's "The Mob Rules." Greatest metal album is either Queensrÿche's 'Operation: Mindcrime,' Metallica's 'Master of Puppets' or Fates Warning's 'Awaken the Guardian' depending on what mood I'm in. IMHO, of course.

[urbpan.livejournal.com]

Sabbath's "The Mob Rules."

I have that on the "Heavy Metal" soundtrack. It's post-ozzy sabbath, no? Excellent song. Greatest anything of all time is a tough call. (Except that Public Enemy's "It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back" is the greatest rap album of all time.)

Nice to see Living Colour on your list, too.

[beastofbourbon.livejournal.com]

>I have that on the "Heavy Metal" soundtrack.

A gem of lost music. It also has what is probably Cheap Trick's best song, "Reach Out," as well as great songs by Donald Fagen, Stevie Nicks, and a good band that's all but forgotten, Riggs.

>It's post-ozzy sabbath, no?

Yep, with Ronnie Dio on vocals, and he just fucking nails it.

>Except that Public Enemy's "It Takes a Nation of Millions
>to Hold Us Back" is the greatest rap album of all time.

Hard to argue with that one, no doubt PE is the best rap act of all, but I also really love De La Soul's 'Stakes Is High,' Guru's first Jazzmatazz album, Chino XL's 'Here to Save You All' and others by Goodie Mobb, Killah Priest, Ice Cube...

[beastofbourbon.livejournal.com]

>Nice to see Living Colour on your list, too.

Oh yeah. Vernon Reid is not of this world, he doesn't get the respect he deserves. I remember when LC first came out, they were heavily played on good ole Z-Rock, and TO A SOUL every one of my friends thought they were white. Heh. At any rate, LC was (is) awesome (check "This Is the Life," the intro still makes my head swim). I have no idea why there was a stigma against black hard rock acts like LC, 24-7 Spyz, Bad Brains, Fishbone, etc.

FISHBONE! I should also have listed the great, extremely influential and ahead-of-their-time nuttz in Fishbone. Countless metal, ska, hip-hop, etc. acts have imitated them and they too rarely get the accolades they deserve.

[sunnylioness.livejournal.com]

saw your post to ozental on Lj Over 30, and couldn't resist checking the quiz... Good to see that there is hope for me despite not paying much attention to who sings what most of the time!! I think the only ones I missed (which I was able to match up with a little Googling afterward) were Soundgarden (bad 90's college student, bad!), Spinal Tap (which I blame on not having seen the movie in 15 years...), and Upper Crust (can I blame that on growing up in the Midwest where regional bands never made it to?) Otherwise, nice quiz... actually made me think a little. But now I have to deal wtih Pyromania being stuck in my head for the rest of the day!

[urbpan.livejournal.com]

Glad you enjoyed it! I had a fun time making it, too. :)

[gemfyre.livejournal.com]

A. Van Halen

B. Must be KISS

C. Metallica

D. Soundgarden

E. Sounds familiar but I'm at a loss.

F. Acca Dacca (AC/DC) All hail pub rock. (Led Zeppelin didn't survive a drummer's death :( )

G. Guns 'N' Roses

H. Black Sabbath

I. Going from the last reference there I'm gonna say Iron Butterfly.


J. hehe, that must be Def Leppard

K. No idea


1. Eeeeeeeeee, Soundgarden and my favouritest lyric of ALL TIME. (The Day I Tried To Live)

2. Black Sabbath - War Pigs

3. Sounds Van Halenish

4. Dunno

5. Don't know

6. Don't know

7. Is that KISS?

8. AC/DC - TNT

9. Sounds Metallica

10. Sounds like Gunners

11. Def Leppard? Hey, it's a wild guess.