Possibly impending family crisis (or not)

[urbpan]

My dad just rang in his weekly call to say he spent the weekend by my mother's side. He normally spends a good amount of time there anyway, at the nursing home where she lives. But this weekend she began coughing (aspirating food) a lot. He made it sound like they were having a much harder time than usual getting her to eat. He spent the weekend just holding her hand and patting her head and talking softly to her. He said "I think this is the week she is going to die."

I'm not worried about her. She's already mostly left us. I just hope they give her the right meds to make the transition gentle and painless.

I'm worried about my dad. He's known this has been coming for probably a decade, but that doesn't mean this is going to be easy for him. I asked him what he needs, he said he doesn't need anything right now but he'll call me when he does. He apologized for bringing me down, which was both sweet and infuriating. I wish I could just take the week off and spend it with him. I do have bereavement leave I can take when the time comes, but I feel like he needs the support now.

What I'd really like to do is go to some quiet place in the woods and think about my mother and write some words about what she means to me.

Comments

[roaming.livejournal.com]

aw, shiite. . . . (sorry! just felt like an expletive was indicated)

We never have enough time with our loved ones, no matter how long, or even when we know what's inevitable. How hard for you all! I'm sorry.

[rudbekia.livejournal.com]

I hope that when she does go, it is peaceful for all three of you.

[mellawyrden.livejournal.com]

Is there grief counselling available for your dad, perhaps at the nursing home?

[urbpan.livejournal.com]

Probaby, but I doubt he'd take advantage of it. Maybe, I guess.

[elainetyger.livejournal.com]

She might hang on for a while (or not). I'm glad your dad can be with her. I hope you get what you need.

[urbpan.livejournal.com]

Yeah, she might. A year ago he was sure she'd be gone before xmas. Thanks.

[jolantru.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[urbpan.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :)

[sin-agua.livejournal.com]

Sigh. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. When my step-father was dying, it wasn't him I was worried for so much as my mother. Hope you get to take that walk in the woods... (hugs)

[sharpchick.livejournal.com]

It's hard to feel helpless, as you must right now.

Sending light your way.

[anais2.livejournal.com]

Oh Jef. I'm sorry for Doc, I'm sorry for you and your brother. Time should be very gentle with you all, right now. It's someone else's turn in the barrel.

[brush-rat.livejournal.com]

Why does the inevitable still hurt?

[vampyrusgirl.livejournal.com]

You would really think all that time before could be used to make things easier, but it doesn't, unfortunately. I'm so sorry.

My grandmother died slowly from Alzheimer's, while John's dad was diagnosed with cancer and dead in two weeks. It all sucks, it all hurts. Take care of youself, and the kids.

[vampyrusgirl.livejournal.com]

Jef, I'm so, so sorry. My best to you, Andy and your dad.

[propaddict.livejournal.com]

Oh, man. Sorry to hear this. Hoping everything works out as painlessly as possible for all involved.

(Loss of decorum follows, feel free to edit it off if inappropriate: I only met your mother once, and she had already been in the nursing home for years by that point, but she was still talking a little and could show her personality. I imagine if she could read this page she might say something akin to ". . .But I'm not dead yet!")

[brush-rat.livejournal.com]

Indeed she would

[wandererrob.livejournal.com]

Man, I'm so sorry to hear this Jef. :(

Hang in there.

[grace-batmonkey.livejournal.com]

I hope it is painless for her, your dad is able to seek out counseling and other contact which will make healing from this easier, and you get the time in the woods you need. I'm also sending wishes for strength and love to those who have loved your mom and care for you, your brother, and your dad, so that they can be pillars for the three of you while this becomes whatever it will become.

[bellelvsbeast.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear this, but I'm glad you are at peace about it...I really hope your dad can get through it ok....
We never seem to have enough time with the ones we love...

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

I hope your family gets whatever help it needs. Sometimes comfort comes from unexpected places.

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

I will definitely keep your family in my thoughts.

[mmmmgreen.livejournal.com]

So sorry. It made me remember when my dad was taking care of my mom her last few days. The not needing help... I'll keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers...

[belen1974.livejournal.com]

i'm really sorry jef. let me know if there is anything i can do.

[wirrrn.livejournal.com]

:hugs:

I'm so sorry. I hope she improves, but if she doesn't I hope she passes quickly and with ease...

[aemiis-zoo.livejournal.com]

*hugs*