The internet is for funny

[urbpan]

The Onion steals my idea about making vicious lies about the presidential candidates.

The 6 cutest animals that can still destroy you. Hey, I've worked with 2 of these! Amazing they kept it down to only 2 Australian animals.

Comments

[jolantru.livejournal.com]

Heh, I was chomped on once by a black swan. That was when I was a kid. Later - after many years - I was swarmed by black swans at Lake Monga in Western Australia. They are vicious.

[wirrrn.livejournal.com]

:waves to the fellow West Aussie:

[jolantru.livejournal.com]

*waves back*

I am actually a Singaporean who studied in WA for 6 years. :)

[purrdence.livejournal.com]

Lake Monger. Also, in addition to being vicious, frequently gay.

[kryptyd.livejournal.com]

I've also been chased by vicious, hissing swans. I don't know if the rumour that they commonly break human arms is true though. All kids in this country get told that to keep them away from swans, and when they grow up they sit around the pub nodding sagely and agreeing that swans are arm breakers. I've nver heard of anyone actually getting their arm broken by one.

My favourite animal that could kick your ass is the cassowarie. You wouldn't really call them cute of course.

[wirrrn.livejournal.com]

Swans can indeed break your arm, especially if you're a kid- they bash you with their (very strong) wings until you fall down. A good way to stop a swan (usually the Cob) from challenging you is to carry two long sticks, and then when one threatens you, extend your arms, sticks included. The swan will back down as it thinks you have a superior wingspan.

I think Cassowary are cute in a kind of Velociraptor-ish way...

[kryptyd.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I'm glad to have this finally cleared up. My doubts developed after watching a million of those British wildlife rescue shows and seeing people constantly catching swans and carrying them around in those things that make a sort of swan handbag. It's hard to take a swan seriously in one of those. But those people obviously knew what they were doing!

[nautiluspq.livejournal.com]

I keep on forgetting Cracked is awesome now. There go the next few hours...

Which two have you worked with?

[urbpan.livejournal.com]

Swans and a (pygmy) hippo. The swans I actually had to catch a couple times, to weigh them. The hippo, even though she was only about 500 pounds, could have hurt me good if she wanted (I was never in with her). She makes up what she lacks in size by being extra extra cute.

the horror

[sin-agua.livejournal.com]

Having witnessed more than one "duck rape" I am not surprised about the swans. Geese make me nervous, and I'm about to own a few. When our son was a baby, the only thing I ever saw spook him was a goose that hissed at him through a fence. Of course, at that time, the goose was bigger than him...

I was kind of surprised that ostriches weren't on the list, but perhaps that's because most don't consider them "cute." I've heard stories of them kicking people to death.

I guess it just goes to show that dolphins are just like other highly-intelligent mammals - they are bright, and playful, and even helpful - and they can also, sometimes, kill other creatures for fun and play with their corpses. :(

As for chimps - GAH - they scare the shit out of me. SO STRONG, and yes, I've heard they go for the face and genitals. Remember that story a few years back about a guy visiting "his" chimp in some rehab center or something, and the others didn't like that he gave the one a treat, and they damned near killed him? Like nearly tore his face AND his junk off? *shudder* Too many teeth, too many fingers, too much strength. Also heard Jane Goodall tell of "chimp war," where they'd hunt down another chimp and then viciously...well, my god, they TWISTED its arms off. Just really really horrific stuff.

Thanks for all that! ;)

[wirrrn.livejournal.com]

As an Australian, aka "That place where all the animals and plants must be lethal by law", I must protest at only the Dingo and Platypus being mentioned. What about the Tasmanian Devil, The Chuditch, The Antichinus and the Cassowary? All cute, all quite capable of rendering you into your component parts (well, okay,not the Antichinus- but it could still severely maul your little finger). Kangaroos can rip out your stomach with their hind feet and are routinely involved in traffic accidents on country roads. Heck, even the humble wombat has killed people (usually kids) foolish enough to crawl into its burrow by using the technique it's evolved to deal with foxes- hunch down in the burrow, wait for the fox (or person) to crawl over you, then stand up and crush it between the tunnel roof and your cute,rotund, strong little body)

in other news, have a crazy-assed tourist photo:



-Amazingly, Stupid Tourist and the Little Stupids managed to keep their limbs intact somehow. I know someone who was photographing Hippo and accidentally got between two fighting males, ending up being flung about 30 feet with a tusk-hole in his leg he could pass a beer bottle through without touching the wound...

[kryptyd.livejournal.com]

That's ridiculous isn't it?! I mean I'm probably the worst person who reads this journal for being irrationally sentimental and near-worshipful of animals, but no matter how cool and awesome (and yes, cute) a hippo is, I'd never be this dumb!

[wirrrn.livejournal.com]

Hippos are very cute. But also very big, very nervous and very stupid- the above picture is an accident waiting to happen!

[carbonunit.livejournal.com]

They left out the cutest deadly Australian animal - one whose main attack vector is it's cuteness. The blue ring octopus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue-ringed_octopus) doesn't usually attack humans, but entrances them with its cuteness so much they pluck it out of the water and place it on their arm! That is how most bites happen. It eats crabs and shrimp so it doesn't think you are food, put it's so cute you just want to play with it, and whammo!

[alpacacock.livejournal.com]

Heh, that cute animals link was great -- thanks! I once had a goose treat me the same way that swan acted.

[bellelvsbeast.livejournal.com]

The cutest animals article was pretty cool...:)