Nerd Post

Sep. 27th, 2013 06:09 pm
urbpan: (dandelion)
[personal profile] urbpan
In honor of the fact that I'll be seeing Chris Hardwick (the nerdist) entertain Boston at the Wilbur in an hour in a half, I'll quickly share a nerdy thing that I've been momentarily obsessed with.

Alexis and I have been watching Star Trek: Deep Space Nine recently (all star treks are on netflix instant btw). At the beginning of one episode they showed a child eating oatmeal. All the food on the space station is made by the replicators--machines that use transporter technology to generate food and other items from a stored bank of matter (I read up on them today). Presumably this means not only can you procure ANY food you can think of (or have the schematics or software for) but that the machine could be programmed to alter the nutritional content of the food.

If I had access to a replicator, I might say "Tea, Earl Grey; hot," once or twice, just to work on my Patrick Stewart impersonation, but most of the time I'd be saying stuff like "Masamam curry tofu, medium spicy, with pineapple chunks." Or I'd say "Crunchberries, large bowl with lactose-free milk!" Since the machine is generating the food--it never grew, it never lived, it was never killed or harvested--you could say, "veal cutlet, breaded, with dolphin sauce" guilt free. Hell you could have big bowl of baby monkey hearts, if that's your thing (those guys that are black on one side and white on the other eat baby monkey hearts, look it up).

But I would live on DS9 for a long long time before it occurred to me to say "Oatmeal, lumpy, too hot on the inside, slimy and cold on the outside." (This describes every bowl of oatmeal I've eaten.) I brought this up with some of my coworkers, and five out of six of them said the same thing to me: "I love oatmeal. What's wrong with oatmeal?"

...

"Spaghettios, room temperature, from the can."

Make it so.

Date: 2013-09-28 12:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] uneko.livejournal.com
I don't understand waht you're doing wrong with your oatmeal o.O even if the outside layer cools.. tha'ts why you stir it before eating it? I've never had a slimy and cold bowl of oatmeal... o.O I mean, when I get my oatmeal out of the microwave, I add a few table spoons of milk to it, but the milk instantly heats up. o_o

also.. baby monley hearts? What do I google to look that up? o_o

Date: 2013-09-28 12:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] urb-banal.livejournal.com
on our way back from the island we stopped at the very expensive Weston Hotel and went to the restaurant and guess what G.D. ordered? Oatmeal. I didn't want any more eggs or wheat so I ordered it also. It was excellent. not worth $11 dollars but good.

you just don't know how to cook them oats.

Date: 2013-09-28 11:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cottonmanifesto.livejournal.com
$11 oatmeal? that is criminal.

Date: 2013-09-28 12:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] urb-banal.livejournal.com
I know but G.D. loves the whole table cloth and cowering minions sort of eating out. They did call us a cab for the ride home so that was sweet... Without actually staying at the very expensive hotel we got treated like we were patrons. Weird but interesting to go undercover as rich old white ladies.

Date: 2013-09-28 02:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bill_sheehan.livejournal.com
There are two of us chortling on the couch. Thank you for the imagery.

I think I'll make oatmeal for breakfast...

Date: 2013-09-28 02:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lyonesse.livejournal.com
usually it evens out when you stir in the brown sugar and cream.

Date: 2013-09-28 02:50 am (UTC)
ext_3407: Dandelion's drawing of a hummingwolf (Hummingwolf by Dandelion)
From: [identity profile] hummingwolf.livejournal.com
I wouldn't say I love oatmeal, but it can be nicely satisfying on a cold morning, particularly if I'm eating plain with added peanut butter, honey, banana, and no milk.

I might also try replicated curried baby hearts, because why not?

Date: 2013-09-28 03:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] morgi.livejournal.com
Heh, I had my first oatmeal breakfast of the season today. At home I cook it on the stove, at work I do it in the microwave.

As a high school student I would eat Campbell's chicken alphabet soup straight out of the can, unheated and undiluted. I think the salt would kill me on the spot these days.

Date: 2013-09-28 06:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stephbg.livejournal.com
I'm also a fan of oatmeal, and never have issues with temperature or texture. Granted it took a bit of experimentation to get exactly the right proportions (I use water, not milk), cooking times, and stirring intervals, but it wasn't *that* hard.

Date: 2013-09-28 08:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] trenton22.livejournal.com
Hot in the morning, it's got to be steelcut. Rolled oats are for cookies.

Date: 2013-09-28 12:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] urb-banal.livejournal.com
What are "steel cut" oats? That was the description of the oatmeal I got at a very expensive restaurant. I thought they were just making it up to justify the price.

Date: 2013-09-28 12:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] urbpan.livejournal.com
Two of the oatmeal-lovers at work insisted upon steel-cut oats as well. The most important difference to me is that rolled oats cook up in 5 minutes while steel-cut take the better part of an hour. (15 to 20 minutes according to wikipedia, but my coworker said 40 minutes)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steel-cut_oats

Date: 2013-09-28 12:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] urb-banal.livejournal.com
I suppose that would not be a problem with a food replicator.

Date: 2013-09-29 01:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] urbpan.livejournal.com
Nope.

My wife's daughter had some good thoughts on this tonight: perhaps the person eating the oatmeal had tried all the exotic things but wanted the comfort of oatmeal. Perhaps the person had a strict upbringing and considered oatmeal to be virtuous.

Perhaps the oatmeal was caffeinated.

Date: 2013-09-28 11:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cottonmanifesto.livejournal.com
40 minutes for fucking oatmeal?! i am offended by that.

Date: 2013-09-29 12:15 am (UTC)
calypso72: Default profile icon (Me)
From: [personal profile] calypso72
You can get quick-cooking steel-cut oats at Trader Joe's. Probably not pure enough for the purists but who can wait an hour for breakfast in the morning? Not me.

Date: 2013-09-28 10:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kryptyd.livejournal.com
I like porridge, but I also like this post.

I also have eaten and enjoyed cold tinned spaghetti on occasion. That's one of the ones I don't like people looking at me while I do it though, like drinking teaspoons of pickle vinegar.

Date: 2013-09-29 01:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] urbpan.livejournal.com
I heartily endorse this comment, especially the use of the word porridge.

Date: 2013-09-29 12:14 am (UTC)
calypso72: Default profile icon (Me)
From: [personal profile] calypso72
I have oatmeal for breakfast very day. I love it. You must be making it wrong.

Date: 2013-09-29 01:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] urbpan.livejournal.com
Yeah, I get that a lot.

Date: 2013-09-29 04:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cottonmanifesto.livejournal.com
seems unlikely that my mom, my ex mother in law, my ex husband, every restaurant that i've ever tried the oatmeal at has "made it wrong."

Date: 2013-09-29 11:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] urbpan.livejournal.com
My antipathy toward oatmeal seems mild compared to my wife's complete revulsion.

Date: 2013-09-29 12:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ssorca19.livejournal.com
I agree. oatmeal is disgusting! (also super jealous of your getting to see chris hardwick)

Date: 2013-09-29 01:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] urbpan.livejournal.com
Well met, fellow outlier! Better yet, Matt Myra opened.

Date: 2013-09-29 01:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ssorca19.livejournal.com
yes! Though I have not yet managed to find/hear any of matt's standup... I'm assuming it was good?

Date: 2013-09-29 11:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] urbpan.livejournal.com
Yeah Matt Myra is very funny, he's from the Boston area so that was some of his material. Also he railed against "StarTrek: Into Darkness" and did some stuff on his weight/food issues.

Date: 2013-09-30 06:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] iheartoothecae.livejournal.com
Rolled oats become much more palatable when they aren't cooked. Rolled oats + soy milk + misc. fruit + misc. nut = my usual breakfast. I drown the bowl in agave nectar if it's one of *those* mornings.

Thinly sliced banana or blueberries + whole almonds are the best.

Also I never knew oatmeal was such a controversial topic. If you combine this post with one about outdoor domestic cats and selectively foraging invasive species you could bring about the end times.
Edited Date: 2013-09-30 06:22 am (UTC)

Date: 2013-09-30 03:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] urbpan.livejournal.com
I keep a mental list of controversial topics in case the comments start to dry up. When in doubt, eat a cat.

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