3:00 snapshot #333, plus noticing the year 06/14/08

[urbpan]

Yesterday morning I took Charlie swimming at a pond behind a warehouse on RT. 9. In the median strip in rt. 9 in Brookline, in the areas they haven't rebuilt yet, there is a thick monocultural herb garden of blooming chicory, my favorite wildflower. It's raining right now, for the first time in over a week. The plants Alexis put in our front area were starting to wilt and shrivel, so hopefully this will help.



We went to Carrie's house last night to welcome her new dog. We ate really well, and played rock band. I felt like being social was just what I needed. I've been in a funk lately, but I don't even know why. The weather has been just as I like it, and the rest of my life ranges from acceptable to exceptionally fortunate.

I know that depression doesn't have to have an external reason, that it's a chemical problem inside me. I'm also aware that I don't have it bad enough to warrant seeing a doctor about it. I still go to work, and indulge some of my hobbies; I don't stay in bed all day, even though that sounds nice.

So while it was fun to finally get over my inhibitions and really belt out Blitzkrieg Bop, part of me wonders if I was just having a drunken good time. I mean, I was, but I was also enjoying the company of friends. Is it really breaking through a depression when you do it after four bourbon and cokes? I definitely feel like interacting with people in a social, non-work setting dispels some of the fog of self-hatred; I don't feel like drinking interferes with the process (quite the opposite), but it does feel a bit like self-medicating, and for some reason I suspect a doctor would disapprove.

Comments

[greenminions.livejournal.com]

Yeah, a doctor may disapprove but I don't think they are always right. My husband's "shrink" (sorry, don't feel like spelling the proper term) wanted him to give up all these academic extracurriculars like presenting at conferences, applying for research grants, writing encyclopedia articles, because he was over extending himself too much.

He doesn't realize though that him doing all these things are really, IMO and in the opinion of some of his mentors, really giving him an edge when it comes to furthering his academic career. Yeah, it adds to his issues, but at the same time it gives him a confidence I've rarely seen in the 4.5 years we have been together.

Anyway, so my point is that...
a doctor can't ever really, truly KNOW how YOU feel. You are honest in admitting that the situation might not be the healthiest. To me, that shows that you aren't that deep into a problem. It's normal to reflect on your actions, even if it leads you to not feeling happy with certain situations. I'd rather self reflect and feel negativity, than never self reflect and really try to analyze the situations around me. Otherwise you're just walking around in a haze.